Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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