what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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