I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's rum buckets o'clock
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
