the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
