people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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