Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
