If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
