i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
