On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
