dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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