I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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