went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
