Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
