I wish my penis had an off switch
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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