I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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