Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
