Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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