are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
