Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
only if we run a train.
done.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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