I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
