i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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