I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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