Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize