I wish I could teleport
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
