i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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