shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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