had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
