I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
