Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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