whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
