Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
