Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
