I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize