dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
