Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
