I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize