If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
