If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
