I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
