my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
