I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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