3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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