I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
