Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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