I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
