she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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