Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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