Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
