hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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