Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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