"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
