I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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