I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize