i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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