that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
