I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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