went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
