i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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