yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
