You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize