They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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