I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
