my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize