We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
