M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
