Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
