i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
