Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
