My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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